This November, MHT is participating in the Miry’s List Friendsgiving Fundraising Drive. The money goes to programs that support refugee families that have been resettled in the United States. In tandem with these efforts, our clinicians are writing posts reflecting on what home means to them.
It wasn’t until about a decade after I moved away, that I gradually stopped thinking of home as a suburban house in Midwestern America with floral wallpaper in the bedroom and vanity mirror in the back corner where I practiced putting on black eyeliner. There were parts of myself that I discovered, named and even let go of, in those walls. I had imagined that my home was enveloped within those walls, and even though I had left, that the ‘homeness’ stayed put. I might have needed that fantasy, until I could develop another sense of home to hold. Since leaving that house, I have had several rooms, apartments and houses where I have dwelled and called home. Some of those places I felt right at home in—a place I could relax and look forward to returning at the end of the day. For others, I dreaded the return. Over the course of several moves, I began noticing that my sense of homeness had much more to do with how I felt on the inside, than any combination of what I put on the walls that surrounded me.
I believe now, that we become who we are through the relationships we’ve been in, and seeing ourselves through others’ eyes. My sense of home is in these relationships, which may shift and change over time. The relationships that I felt most at home in earlier in my life, while still important, may not be my sense of home now. Home, for me, is an experience of feeling connected to parts of myself that I love, in relationships where I can let myself thrive in loving others. Part of my home is with Suzanne and Gil, Yoon and Lucy, Nancy, Mia, Andy, Kim and Matt, my Monday training group and Saturday process group. These are the places where I return when I’ve lost my sense of home and want to find my way back: where parts of me that are hard to hold will be cared for, while I can regain connection to those parts of myself that I love, and be reminded that those parts are there.
For those who are refugees, the loss of home is deep and complex, internal and external. Giving to Miry’s list is a way I can offer a kindness to those who are finding their way to a new home. As I give, I remember times when I, albeit in a very different way, have lost my sense of home and leaned into the work of finding it anew.
“I believe now, that we become who we are through the relationships we’ve been in, and seeing ourselves through others’ eyes. My sense of home is in these relationships...”
HERE'S HOW YOU CAN PARTICIPATE IN FRIENDSGIVING WITH US:
Give! Visit our Miry’s List campaign page and make a donation. It's that simple and no sum is too small. Truly.
Follow! Be sure to follow us on Instagram and our blog throughout the month of November. We will be reflecting on what it means to be welcomed, received, and known.
Share! Help us spread the word. You can do this by sharing our social media posts or links to our Miry’s List Friendsgiving Fundraiser page.
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A little about Miry’s List:
Refugee families come to the United States seeking a safe haven from violence and persecution in their home countries. They leave behind family and friends, as well as virtually everything they own. Many Americans, seeing these families in their communities, wonder: What can I do to help? Miry's List provides a mechanism for people to directly help new arrival refugee families with the things that they need to get started in their new lives – from diapers to beds to cleaning supplies and toiletries. To learn more, visit miryslist.org.
Saralyn Masselink, LCSW, is a clinical supervisor at Michelle Harwell Therapy and a relational therapist who compassionately engages her patients. She specializes in the treatment of anxiety and depressive disorders, eating disorders, couples and family therapy, and substance use disorders.